My, isn't that a portentous (or pretentious) title! As usual, I am looking back on the past year and looking ahead to the next one. And what a year it has been.
Overshadowing all else was my wife's passing in April. Her health had been worsening for some time, and I knew she would not be with us for very much longer. Still, I was holding on to her for dear life and trying to enjoy every minute as best I could. The stroke happened early one morning, and though I had an ambulance on the way within minutes, the stroke was severe and the damage could not be totally mitigated. She lasted for four weeks, the last two of which were at home. Those weeks were indescribably difficult. Friends rallied around us, though. Her last evening was spent with her family present, and I was with her to the very end. I am glad she is no longer suffering (and how long she had suffered!), but her absence is a hole in my life, and I seem to miss her more, not less, as time goes on.
Meanwhile, though I vacillated often, my transition to full-time womanhood kicked up a notch. By late spring, I was spending almost all my time outside of work as Wendy. I got a female (though convertible) hairstyle and continued with the hair removal. I saw a healthcare provider about starting feminizing hormone treatments. And I revealed my intention to transition to my family; painfully, that didn't work out as well as I would have liked.
Joyfully, I have made new friends this year who are already very dear to me. And, as if by magic, a trans community has sprung up here in the Tri-Cities, right when I needed it! No, I'm not so egotistical that I think it happened just for me, but I'm so grateful that it's there and I'm a part of it. I actually have participated in four public social justice events this year (including TDOR), and two Pride celebrations, which is huge for me.
Lastly, despite the great loss and turmoil (plus a chronic illness), I had a lot of fun this year! I discovered that, for an introvert, I really like people in my life. There were many enjoyable parties and soirées, theater outings, a beach vacation, and even some opportunities to rock and roll!
Now I am poised for a new year that may be almost as tumultuous as last year. I am still mourning the loss of my wife; I still wear my wedding band, and I have yet to spread her ashes. I am about to step up my transition by beginning hormones in a couple of weeks. My relationship with my family is almost nonexistent; though my mother is communicating with me again, my father and brother are decidedly not. I so far have no more than a vague plan on transitioning at work, legal name change and other important matters. The timing for these things hinge on several other issues I won't go into here.
I experienced a lot of loss in 2015, and I expect more in 2016. My life is changing drastically, and I often feel that I am at sea, tossed about in a violent storm. Who knows where (and who) I will be when the storm is spent?
