Women's Group, Part 1

One of the most interesting aspects of my trans life right now is my semi-regular attendance at my church’s monthly women’s group gatherings.  For us part-timers, being able to interact with a group of women as a woman on a social basis is quite a rare treat.  I’m still kind of awed at having such a privilege.

See, I live in a very conservative area.  Most people are here are liberal-hating, gun-toting, Republican-voting, by-God fundamentalist Christians.  Fox News plays on the television in most public places, including doctors’ office waiting rooms.  A local farmer has erected a 30-foot flagpole on top of a hill overlooking the Interstate so he can fly the Confederate battle flag for the benefit of passersby.  Racism is still lurking under the surface, though it’s not openly tolerated.  Homophobia—and by extension, transphobia—is pretty much unabashed and unapologetic.  To be fair, there are also lots of friendly, kind, and generous people here.  People are complicated.  So what is a liberal, freethinking, diversity-embracing person like me to do?  “Move away!” some might say, but, hey—I was born and raised in this area, and for all its imperfections, it’s home, and I stubbornly claim my right to exist here despite my countercultural leanings.  Well, most people around here go to church, and quite unexpectedly, that’s exactly where I found a little enclave of like-minded folks.

I never thought I’d join a church.  I rejected orthodox Christian teachings years ago and have never looked back.  But a Unitarian Universalist church is like no other I’ve encountered.  What we hold in common is not a set of beliefs, but a set of values.  At any given service I might be sitting next to a Pagan, a Buddhist, a Christian, an Atheist, or who knows what else.  Questioning orthodoxy and authority is not only allowed, but expected.  This sounds crazy and counterintuitive to most people, but believe me, it works.  I’ve been going here for almost ten years now, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Our church started the Welcoming Congregation curriculum a couple of years ago.  Our denomination is very BLGT-friendly; in fact, it’s one of the only religious groups that ordains openly transgender individuals as ministers.  But each congregation is independent and sets its own policy.  Our congregation is BLGT-friendly, too, but we decided that we needed to learn more about the issues that BLGT people face, and to formally welcome them to our church by following the denominational Welcoming Congregation curriculum.  The final piece of the curriculum was a Q&A session with real, live BLGT people from our midst.  Guess who decided to be the transgender panelist?  I had come out to a very small number of people at the church before, but most had never met Wendy in person.  So to appear before a large group of people en femme was a big and scary step for me, but it was also something I really wanted to do.

Despite my trepidation, it went very well.  I didn't know quite how to act when I first entered the church.  I suppose my nervousness was pretty obvious, as the organizer of the panel gave me some wine to drink almost as soon as I arrived.  As people filed in, I saw several double-takes and surprised remarks; more disconcertingly, there were also people I knew very well who didn’t give their usual hearty greetings.  Later those people came up to me and apologized—they had no idea who I was until I started speaking.  I had created a new nametag with my femme name, so at least there was little confusion on what to call me. 
The panel turned out to be comprised of all women—the men who were supposed to participate canceled at the last minute.  So there was one lesbian, one bisexual woman, and me.  Each of us told her story, then we fielded questions from the audience.  There were quite a few questions directed toward me, perhaps unsurprisingly.  I was asked if I considered myself a man or a woman (my answer: Both and neither), did I want to attend church as Wendy (sometimes, but I'm not ready to come out to the whole congregation), and even if had I considered changing my name to something androgynous so I didn’t have to have two gendered names.  I’d never really thought of that one!  There were some excellent practical questions about boundaries; i.e. in what setting(s) would it be acceptable to talk about this part of my life.

I got lots of compliments on my courage, as well as on my appearance.  And I got a lot of hugs!  One woman was moved to tears as she expressed her appreciation for us (the panelists) and what we’d gone through.  Our minister commented on how feminine I was, and that she never really understood until then what an integral part of my identity this was.  Several people thanked me for making them aware that there were other types of transgender people besides transsexuals.  The bisexual panelist expressed how she was often treated as “confused” or “unserious” by gays and lesbians, and I told her how much I identified with that experience in the transgender community.  The audience was very interested and involved, so much so that we went well over the alloted time.  Most intriguingly, several women invited me to participate in the church women’s group get-togethers...


(To be continued...)