How does one decide to totally upend one's life? This is a question that has occupied my mind a lot lately. Readers of this blog will know that I've been wrestling with the idea of transitioning to full-time womanhood for several months now. I know this is a very big deal, most likely the biggest decision I will ever make. And I also can see that transitioning would not be easy, or fun, and carries the risk of losing family, friends, and employment. Given that I am big-decision-averse, I have really been struggling with this. How does one make a decision this huge?
A curious thing has been happening for the last couple of years. While the decision-making part of my brain is struggling with this question, the rest of me seems to be going full steam ahead. Especially since the passing of my dear wife, the pace of change is accelerating. I still work as a male, but most of the rest of my time is spent as Wendy. I already have a very tentative and generalized timeline for transition forming. I'm wrapping up hair removal and thinking about hormones. Every plan that I make includes a consideration of how my transition would affect it. Meanwhile, decision-making brain is still asking, "Should I or shouldn't I?"
I guess it's time for me to admit to myself that this is happening. I want to waffle and hedge and qualify, but if I'm honest, I know that I am transitioning. I tremble with fear at the immensity of it, but I continue to move forward. As I stumble toward this lifequake, I'm thankful for the supportive friends and community I have. I'm going to need all the help and support I can get.
