I guess it's time for a look back at another year gone. 2016 will forever be remembered by me as my rebirth year. My time and energy were mostly concentrated on transitioning, so instead of a lot of summation about what went on during the year, I thought I'd write about what life has been like since October 7, my rebirthday.
For me, one of the most remarkable things about my new life is how little has changed. I still get up and go to work every morning. True, I spend more time on my clothing choices, and have the added tasks of fixing my hair and makeup, but those things have quickly become normal. I still have the same job duties with the same people. I come home in the evenings and fix dinner. In short, life is much the same, with this significant difference: I feel much happier and have more energy.
From my perspective, inside looking out, I don't feel any different. I'm still the same old me. Since I can't see what I look like (unless I look in the mirror), I often forget that other people perceive me differently than they used to. It's still a mild (though welcome) surprise when people call me "ma'am", or refer to me as "she" or "her". However, I must add that it is now more unpleasant to referred to as "he" or "him"--at those times, my self-doubt is triggered, and I'm acutely aware that some people still see me on some level as male. But back to my main point--I feel very natural and my presentation is unforced, so I often forget that I've changed in the eyes of the world. This is the real me, folks.
And now, as I settle into my new life, I ask myself, "what now?". The last several years have been consumed with caring for my ailing wife and transitioning. Now, no longer having those tasks, there is suddenly space for other things. I begin to remember what I used to like to do. I've begun reconnecting with old friends. I bought a bike and started riding again. My interest in genealogy has been renewed. I'm hoping to begin writing and playing music more often. And I am finally finding the time and energy to address the mess and disorder in my house.
I feel very blessed that my transition has been so smooth and 95% positive. But I'm also concerned that my life is finally coming together at the same time that the world seems to be running off the rails. Still, I'm grateful for every new day--and new year.
