Unlike many people I knew, I thought there was a good chance Donald Trump would be elected. I recognized who he was early on, and could see the white resentment building during Barack Obama’s administration. I saw very clearly that he was a fascist by inclination, and despite his words to the contrary, no friend of LGBTQ+ people. So, as it became more and more obvious that he would be the Republican nominee, I began to visualize various nightmare scenarios.
With The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich in the back of my mind, I imagined gangs of emboldened bigots roaming the streets, seizing those they saw as other, setting fire to their houses. I saw the stripping away of civil rights for nonwhite people, women, and queer people. I saw concentration camps being set up. My anxiety grew by leaps and bounds.
Transitioning to an outwardly new gender role is very hard. It feels kind of like preparing to jump a wide chasm. For me, transitioning happened when my discomfort with having to present as a man overcame the anxiety of “jumping”. But as I watched what was happening in the country, it gave me pause. Many people in my life, mostly family, friends, and coworkers (who tend to be more conservative), saw me as a straight white man. I could perhaps be safe if the persecutions I envisioned came to pass. After much thought, though, I rejected this idea. I decided I would rather live one day like a lion than a thousand years like a lamb. Choosing between finally being myself and hiding behind a facade in fear was really no choice at all. So I prepared to jump.
And I wanted to jump before any regime change happened. The current administration had pronounced that my employment status was protected by Title VII, the Civil Rights Act (as well as by developing policies at my workplace). Rules had been put in place under Secretary of State Hillary Clinton that would allow me to straightforwardly get a new passport with my new name and my correct gender. I needed to get things done before the rules changed. So as quickly as I could, I arranged my transition at work, legally changed my name, drivers license, Social Security card, passport, and every other thing I could think of.
I started writing this on a day with the Supreme Court heard arguments on three cases that test whether Title VII really does cover LGBTQ+ people. In a few months, the Court will decide whether I, and people like me, have equal protection under the law, or can legally be discriminated against. Donald Trump’s administration keeps trying to persecute transgender people in particular; excluding us from military service, ruling that government contractors can discriminate against us, trying to roll back healthcare protections, and the list goes on. There has been an increase in white supremicist organization activity, emboldened by the racist-in-chief. There was been an increase in domestic terrorism (AKA mass shootings), much of it perpetrated by male white supremacists who don’t much like queer people either. It turned out that brown immigrants and their children were the first to be put in concentration camps, but I feel sure that if this administration continues long enough, queer people will wind up there, too. It is a frightening time to be an American if you are not white, straight, male, and Christian.
Still, I don’t regret transitioning for one second. I have had the good fortune to have lived for three years like a lion, and I hope to live many more. I will continue in my own small way to fight for what is right and true, and I know there are many with me in that struggle. I truly believe we will get through this. Keep the faith and fight the power, my people.
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