In observance of National Coming Out Day, here are a couple more stories (coming out is an ongoing process that never ends, seemingly). This time I want to illustrate the great support I have experienced at my church. So many LGBTQ+ people have had terrible, traumatizing experiences with their churches, but all churches are not the same.
The first story is from 2005, when I was in a music covenant group. For those of you who are not familiar with that concept, a covenant group is a small group of people who come together regularly to talk about a particular topic and how it relates to them personally--in this case, music. Our group had become very close, and I felt that I needed to share this important part of my life with them. My then-girlfriend (later wife) was also a member of the group; I talked it over with her, and she was very encouraging. So I contacted the facilitator of the group and asked if to be allocated some extra time at the next meeting to talk about something very important to me.
The night of the meeting, I was very anxious as the facilitator had announced that I had asked for additional time. When it was time for me to speak, I started nervously by asking that what I was about to reveal remain confidential. As I continued speaking, I began to relax, because I knew the group was with me. I explained that I was transgender, and tried to illustrate what that meant with the help of a chart and some photos. There were many questions, thoughtful comments, tears, and a lot of hugs, and I left the meeting feeling very loved and supported; in fact, I was walking on air!
Five years later, our church was going through the process of becoming a Welcoming Congregation, meaning that we would explicitly welcome LGBTQ+ people. As part of that process, there was to be a Q&A sessions where people from the congregation could hear the stories and ask questions of a panel of LGBTQ+ people. With some trepidation, I decided to volunteer to be on the panel. The Music Covenant Group had faithfully honored my confidentiality, so this was going to be a bigger coming out; additionally, this time I would be presenting as a woman.
The night of the event, I was a nervous wreck, though supported by my loving wife. I was actually physically shaking when I entered the sanctuary; a kind friend offered me some wine to help calm my anxiety. As old friends started filtering in, I noticed that a few of them walked by without speaking to me, which I found unnerving. I sat with my co-panelists--we had no gay or queer participants, so we were a BLT panel--and one by one, we recounted our stories. Again, there were many interesting questions and supportive comments. I learned that the reason why some people had not spoken to me is that they didn't recognize me! I was even invited to participate in the church women's group if I wished, a gesture that really touched my heart. After we finished, people were lining up to hug all three of us, with smiles and tears comingled. I left feeling elated. A few weeks later, the congregation unanimously voted to become a Welcoming Congregation.
I did soon after began attending women's group events. Eventually, I began coming to church services presenting as female; at first only some of the time, but soon all of the time. Church was the first place that I transitioned, and I remain a grateful part of that loving community.
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